Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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