She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
