dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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