You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
