How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
