i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
