she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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