My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
