Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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