if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
