Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
