So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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