I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
