You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i drank out of a bidet.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
