Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
