around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
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My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
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The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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