I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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