you mean i was at the winter classic?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
