Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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