Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
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halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
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I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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