using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
