this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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