Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
