I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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