Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Randomize
