i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
