So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
