you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
