I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize