He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
