I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
