Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
