I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
