i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
