saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize