Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
