wake up i wanna do it froggy style
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize