Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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