I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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