Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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