look no pants
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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