you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
