i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
