It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
