this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
