I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
