i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
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There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
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He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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