So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
