party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
im holly from the hills drunk
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
