two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
