9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
