Soap is not a condiment
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
