if only i could text you this smell
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
