You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
