I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
