we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
