Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
