Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Randomize
