You're my little dorito
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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