I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
