the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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