pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
