I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
