its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
