Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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