Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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