I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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