Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
