If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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