I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
