If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
