just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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