Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
